Cancerous Wit

flufflepuffthehufflepuffstuff

poryqon

“When the weather gets cold in a few months you will complain about it then, so enjoy this heat”
I will bitch about it now, I will bitch about it then, I will bitch about everything there is ever to bitch about, because guess what, Im a bitch

anabundanceofstilinskis

I feel like this needs to be Seussified.

I will bitch about heat.
I will bitch about cold.
I will bitch about sunshine,
and about growing old.

I will bitch about everything,
inside and out.
You will find there is nothing
I can’t bitch about.

n1ghtcrwler

butterflyinthewell

I’m laughing so hard at this post right now omg.

thesocialjusticecourier

Perfection.

sleek-siren

I love it

cancerouswit

polyglotplatypus

Has this ever been you?

theredlinestation

As artists, we can often feel like we’ve plateaued on our progress because of lack of time, or resources. Not every artist has the time to go to art classes, and not every artist has the money to attend art-school and receive a proper critique.

That’s why I’ve created this blog! Introducing the…

The Redline Station is a blog that is dedicated to helping artists. If an artist is struggling with anatomy, or would like a critique on their art, they can submit the art using the SUBMIT YOUR ART button. Then, one of our moderator artists will pick up their piece and do a redline of it to help them better see the places that need fixing.

What’s a redline?

Good question! A redline is when an artist will draw directly over a piece of art in order to show what the mistakes in anatomy are. By seeing the comparison of the art itself (at a lower opacity) and of the more accurate anatomical example, the artist can more quickly improve their drawing.

Our artists will take your submitted drawing and give you a redline. They will then post it to the blog alongside the original to help you compare the two and easily see what needs to be done. It’ll look somewhat like this!

Q: Can I submit anything?

A: Yes! Any type of art, human or animal is okay! The only thing that’s not okay is gore and pornography. The posts will need to be PG-13. (Kissing and suggestive scenes are okay, however.)

Q: Will you redline if the drawing is in my style?

A: Yes! Anime style, cartoony style drawings are also okay. The idea isn’t to fix the drawing to look more like ‘realism’, but to fix it to make it look more believable within the frame of style it’s already in.

Q: How many drawings can I submit for redlining?

A: For the time being, I’m the only one running the blog… In order to keep my sanity, I will accept only one submission per person and only keep submissions open for a limited time until I get more help. Which brings us to our next point…

Do you want to help me?! GOOD! Then please read the next post.

Mod applications are now open!

catversary

Hey! This is a really cool tumblr you should follow! ~~Also I’ve become a mod there.~~

cancerouswit

Source: theredlinestation

bullshittimetravelshenanigans

kirkspocks

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

chromalogue

Oðinn spake:

Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth,
And bathed his count'nance fair.
Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar,
I found on the cold pavement
While returning in glory | from a grand hunt
For a 3 AM quesadilla.

hiking-viking

@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again

systlin

I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful.

themintykid

@theshitpostcalligrapher

theshitpostcalligrapher

ay @systlin hmu

bold-sartorial-statement

@systlin

My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.

Solen sken, skönt gyllene

Dagen Tor föddes

På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell

Där låg Loke

—KJN

My translation:

The sun shone, sweet golden

The day of Tor’s birth

On the tarmac, by Taco Bell

There lay Loki

(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)

theshitpostcalligrapher

@bold-sartorial-statement

ay yo show ur husband

andersonsallpurpose

@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes:

(oops spot the typos)

the-winter-road

i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it

Sólin skein, björt og gullin
við fæðingu Þórs
á stígnum við Taco Bell
Þar lá Loki

books-and-candy-ples

The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing

rembrandtswife

This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!

cancerouswit

Source: kirkspocks

bullshittimetravelshenanigans

meridiangrimm

I want to read a story about a wizard whose only spell is “fix this”, but the specially-crafted magic takes their intent into account. "Fix this" can mean repairing the wheel on the adventurers’ cart or healing a broken arm or “fixing” a lock so that it’s in what the wizard considers the “correct” (unlocked) position. Imagine the other mages getting increasingly frustrated as the wizard stubbornly refuses to learn any other spells.

meridiangrimm

Wizard: *points at a canyon* Fix this

Other casters: That’s not really how spells -

Wizard: Oh look, one of our blankets is now a magic carpet. Guess we don’t need a bridge.

Casters: How -

meridiangrimm

Wizard: *points at logs that won’t catch fire* Fix this

Other casters: There’s been too much rain, it won’t -

Wizard: I fixed it so that it’s in the same state it was yesterday. Someone here knows how to start a fire, right?

Casters: What -

meridiangrimm

Wizard: *points at charging dragon*: Fix this

Other casters: THAT’S NOT HOW MAGIC WORKS YOU IDIOT WE’RE GOING TO DIE

Dragon: *coughs* Did you just… cure my intestinal problems? I’ve been trying to stop breathing fire for weeks, but it just kept spilling out, and every time I tried to ask for help, I burned everything down. I won’t forget this kindness.

Casters: *ripping their hair out* H O W

cancerouswit

Source: meridiangrimm

bullshittimetravelshenanigans

lesbianshepard

A giant, black, sarcophagus has been found in Alexandria and I could not be more excited about it.

If we do open it we could find

The tomb of Alexander the Great (Coolest possible answer. Probably the coolest thing we’ve found in my lifetime unless aliens decide to show up.)
Rando important Egyptian Pharaoh ( Also cool answer. Definitely an awesome find.)
An ancient and unspeakable evil (We haven’t had a good ol’ doomsday level curse in a good long while. Definitely overdue for this one)

It’s a win/win/win scenario.

freudensteins-monster

Source: lesbianshepard

flufflepuffthehufflepuffstuff

madhatter0:
“ funnnyyy-giiiifffsss:
“ HAHAHAHAHA !
”
SOMEONE MADE IT INTO A GIF I CAN’T I JUST
”

bullshittimetravelshenanigans

dukeonkled

hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year

wackcauldron

(from a 2015 interview)

i hope she’s comfortable

hella-gay-trash

Please don’t forget the best one so far^^^

dietcrackcocaine

another example of Koko’s humour by Jane Goodall:

suplx

Source: dukeonkled

i-okamie

eisforedna.tumblr.com

My Parents are Dead and My Sister is Disabled

eisforedna

On May 28th, my sister, Edna, turned 31.

Her mental age is about three years old. She loves Winnie the Pooh, Beauty & the Beast, and Sesame Street. Even though the below picture is unconvincing.

Edna and “Cookie.” I think she was trying to play it cool.

My name is Jeanie. I’m Edna’s younger sister. I’m also her guardian and caregiver.

That’s me on the left. (Hey, you never know. After a year of writing a blog about online dating - Jeanie Does the Internet - I’ve come to learn that there are A LOT of fools on the internet.)

ANYWAY, I’m not “doing the internet” anymore. I’m taking care of Edna full-time, after completing my MFA in Writing for Screen & Television at USC.

May 16, 2014. I wanted a picture. Edna wanted breakfast.

In case you’re wondering where our parents are, they’re dead. Our mom died of breast cancer when she was just 33.

Us with mom before she died. (Obviously.)

As for our dad, he peaced-out around the time my mom got sick. His loss - we’re awesome.

Here we are being awesome at the beach. Pushing a wheelchair in the sand? Not so awesome.

In case you’re wondering “What’s wrong?” with my sister - as a stranger once asked me on the street - NOTHING. Yes, Edna has a rare form of epilepsy - Lennox-Gastaut syndrome - but I don’t know if that’s anymore “wrong” than people who don’t have manners.

Basically, Edna was born “normal,” and started having seizures as a baby. They eventually got so bad that they cut off the oxygen to her brain, causing her to be mentally disabled. Or impaired. Or intellectually disabled. Or whatever you want to call it - except “retarded,” because in 2010, President Obama signed Rosa’s Law into effect, replacing that word with “intellectually impaired.”

Which is cool and all, but services for the disabled and the people who care for them are SEVERELY LACKING. Also, there’s a bunch of people working in taxpayer-funded positions who are supposed to help families like us, but don’t. (Big surprise, I know.) They just fill out paperwork (whenever they feel like it) with asinine statements like this:

YUP. I transport my sister down the stairs in her wheelchair, because that is not only safe, but TOTALLY PRACTICAL. Why doesn’t everyone in a wheelchair just take the stairs, for God’s sake? Stop being so lazy, PEOPLE WITHOUT WORKING LEGS!

But, as it says above, Edna’s legs do work. Whether or not she wants them to, is another story.

Edna refusing to go inside.

These are the stairs that I have to carry her up - by myself - on a daily basis. That is, until one of my legs break and both of us are just sitting at the bottom of the stairs, helpless.

For six months, I have begged - BEGGED - the State of California to help my sister, which they are required by law - The Lanterman Act specifically - to do so. But they’ve told me “these things take time” and that I “need to amend my expectations.” (That was said to me when I refused to place Edna at AN ALL-MALE CARE FACILITY. Because yes, that was an “option” that was offered to me.)

Prior to Edna moving in with me in my one-bedroom apartment, she was living with her amazing caregiver, Gaby, back in Tucson, where we went to high school and I did my undergrad. Edna’s reppin’ the Wildcats below.

But back in November, Gaby also died from breast cancer. (FUCK YOU, BREAST CANCER!) This picture was taken a month before she died. She never even told me she was sick because she didn’t want me to worry.

By the way, we were raised by our grandma. Edna and her were very close.

She’s dead, too. Surprise.

She died when I was 20 and Edna was 21. That’s when I became Edna’s legal guardian and Gaby stepped into the picture to help me out with Edna.

So, six months ago, after Gaby died, I moved Edna to California, where I tried to get the folks over at The Frank D. Lanterman Regional Center to help me. I’ve told them I’m worried about our safety - that one of us could get hurt on the stairs - I’ve told them I can’t afford to pay the private babysitters $15/hour because the ones social services sent me who make $9/hour were unreliable (they didn’t show up on time or at all so I could get to school and work), untrustworthy (one of them let Edna go to the bathroom in the kitchen and then took her into the bathroom because “that what I thought I was supposed to do.”)

But the people over at the FLRC don’t return my calls, they don’t file the paperwork on time - and the first caseworker that was assigned to us actually LAUGHED AT my sister when he came to our home to evaluate her. When I reported him to his supervisor, she told me, “That’s just [insert name of said jackass].”

He was one of the two caseworkers that contributed to the report I mentioned above, which also included this:

So let me get this straight - I have to feed, bathe, dress and help Edna in the bathroom and you can’t deduce whether or not she is able to vote? What in the fuck?!

Now I realize I seem angry. And you can bet your balls I am. I’m also sad. Sad for those who don’t have family to stick up from them and who waste away God knows where, monitored by no one. Or monitored by people who physically and sexually assault them.

I’m also sad for the caregivers who are SO EXHAUSTED - trying to take care of their loved ones - while also trying to take care of themselves and battling a system that is supposed to help, but does nothing of the sort. And I know a lot of people give up. They let their dreams, their marriages, their friendships slide. All while trying not to resent the very person you’re doing it all for.

Edna wanted to sit next to me the other day while I was writing. Clearly, she’s not impressed.

Here’s the thing: I REFUSE TO GIVE UP. I’M NOT GIVING UP ON HER OR MYSELF. I’m going to pursue my dreams while taking care of her, AND while ensuring that the people paid to do their jobs ACTUALLY do them.

That’s where you come in. I need you to help me get my story out there. Because I know I’m not alone in this. I want to connect with families who are in similar situations and also show people who have no idea what it’s like to care for someone with a disability (or even a loved one who is sick) that it can be rewarding. Super fucking hard. Exhausting. Painful. Isolating. But, rewarding.

I’m going to get help for my sister - and others. My hope is that by sharing our story, I can bring awareness to the lack of services and help for the disabled.

Thank you,

Jeanie

Facebook: facebook.com/eisforedna

Twitter: @EisforEdna

therealbarbielifts

This made me cry

congalineofdurin

STOP SCROLLING. THIS PERSON ISN’T ASKING FOR MONEY AND THIS POST WON’T MAKE YOU SAD.

This is a really uplifting and inspirational story of a family sticking by each other and making things work despite a whole lot of shit

They just want to find other people in the same position they are, for a sense of community and to feel like they aren’t alone.

I know out of all of you, some of you have followers who are living with and taking care of intellectually or emotionally disabled family members, and this lovely and unbreakable pair of sisters need to find them.

SIGNAL BOOOOOOOOOST

kanalashesa

Repost! This story needs told!

lgbtprolife

Disabled lives matter. Sooo much.

keeppthevibe

Will always reblog this.

bullshittimetravelshenanigans

ineptbox

Last night I discovered that William Shakespeare named his son Hamnet and I feel like this is an awful secret I shouldn’t know

gemfaggot

*died at age 11* *has a beard and mustache*

cancerouswit

Isn’t that Marlowe? The dude who wrote the play Faust and was notorious for getting in bar fights and shit?

Source: ineptbox

theangriestlittleunicorn

glumshoe

Last night I dreamt I was helping to film a commercial for socks. It began with a woman sitting on the side of a large green pond, dangling her feet over the edge. A monster a la the creature of the black lagoon swims over and grabs her feet, trying to drag her into the water. There’s screaming and splashing and she manages to escape onto the bank. The monster swims away and the camera zooms in on its delighted face as it slips the woman’s stolen socks on over its flippers. The tag line “anything for a little softness in life” appears in fancy white cursive text superimposed over the scene as it fades to the sock company’s logo.

I was really proud of this commercial and the effort that had gone into the monster costume, but it was rejected for TV because it reminded people of wet socks.